I quit.
I don’t like this game.
I never win.
I can’t find you anywhere,
but somehow you always find me.
Even when I hide
you find a way to uncover me;
if I bury myself in busyness
or hole up on facebook,
medicate with chocolate
or embalm my memories,
there you are.
Even when I sleep, you find me,
disguised as men with guns who somehow
(despite my dreamland skill)
always know exactly where I am.
And then you leave,
with only your salty-wet footprints
on my cheeks to mark your exit.
This hide thing
doesn’t work for me.
So
I will change the rules.
I’ll make a hot cup of tea
and sit in my prayer chair
and count to ten
slow
and
I may
just
learn to truly seek.
I will seek you in
the sigh of a child,
peals of laughter,
every act of courage,
every selfless prayer.
I will learn to love well,
listen with my heart,
speak for those with no voice,
champion the weak,
embrace my mess
and
then,
then I will
seek this God
whom you loved with abandon,
with faith that could not be broken
by accident or
miscarriage
or tumours
or physical agony
and then,
there,
(ready or not)
I will
find you…
Meanwhile, Melody Muses... 
I liked this so powerful and moving
Thank Joanne!
Been a long time since we Journeyed to Arizona and by chance crossed paths. This really grabbed me today. I am still seeking/hiding and inching my path daily. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Judy
Ps someday I hope to find my art, and inner beauty. As you have done so eloquently.
Judy!! What a wonderful gift, to find you here today!! I am still inching along, like you – wobbling my way to freedom! Your inner beauty is already there, shining – you just need to let it out in ways that honor who you are… keep inching, my friend! 🙂
thank you for your honest wrestling … it moved me deeply, friend!
Thank you, Heidi. It was personal enough that I hesitated before publishing it. I admire transparency and openness in others, yet find it hard when the shoe is on MY foot. I find that writing is such an important part of my processing, whatever the processing is…
Your struggle was dynamic and wise not to mention determined. It reminds me (from one of your comments) of how I made the determination to dig deeply within, as necessary. I hope you don’t mind if I show that decision to you. “I feel that writing is a reflection of the soul, and must therefore, probe the senses deeply, even painfully, in order to achieve definition.” I feel in some way that we owe it to those for whom we write..the honesty, and the clarity are in, my opinion, the gifts that we pay to those who follow our unending need to express what lies within us of which we write.
Wow. Profound. And richly satisfying. You have just given me permission as it were to bare my soul with my pen. Or keyboard as the case may be. Thank you…
Not exactly Melody, don’t you realize that truth doesn’t show all the details? That would spoil the message! Help!
Lovely poem 🙂
Thanks for dropping by!
Wonderfully deep words. And I like the photo too.
Thank you for dropping by!
Hide and seek was a game I hated as a youngster. I was always found so easily but I couldn’t ever find anyone. If I were you I would change the game not the rules! But then you would have to write another poem. 😦 Hide and seek is a perfect expression for grief and a wounded heart.
Hmmm. Change the game. There may just be a poem in there. Tag. You’re it!
LOL. I wasn’t a lot better at tag. Do you have a poem about your prayer chair? My poor memory has a faint recollection that you do. That’s another game which teased me “Memory’ ( looking at items on a tray and then writing down as many as you could remember)
I don’t have a poem about my prayer chair! I mentioned it in a recent poem. Maybe it deserves its own poem!
I am sure it does. 🙂
Amazing!
Thanks Marie!