Hide and Seek

hide and seek

I quit.

I don’t like this game.

I never win.

I can’t find you anywhere,

but somehow you always find me.

Even when I hide

you find a way to uncover me;

if I bury myself in busyness

or hole up on facebook,

medicate with chocolate

or embalm my memories,

there you are.

Even when I sleep, you find me,

disguised as men with guns who somehow

(despite my dreamland skill)

always know exactly where I am.

And then you leave,

 with only your salty-wet footprints

on my cheeks to mark your exit.

This hide thing

doesn’t work for me.


I will change the rules.

I’ll make a hot cup of tea

and sit in my prayer chair

and count to ten



I may


learn to truly seek.

I will seek you in

the sigh of a child,

peals of laughter,

every act of courage,

every selfless prayer.

I will learn to love well,

listen with my heart,

speak for those with no voice,

champion the weak,

embrace my mess



then I will

seek this God

whom you loved with abandon,

with faith that could not be broken

by accident or


or tumours

or physical agony

and then,


(ready or not)

I will

find you…

20 comments on “Hide and Seek

  1. I liked this so powerful and moving

  2. Anonymous says:

    Been a long time since we Journeyed to Arizona and by chance crossed paths. This really grabbed me today. I am still seeking/hiding and inching my path daily. Thank you for sharing your heart.
    Ps someday I hope to find my art, and inner beauty. As you have done so eloquently.

    • melodylowes says:

      Judy!! What a wonderful gift, to find you here today!! I am still inching along, like you – wobbling my way to freedom! Your inner beauty is already there, shining – you just need to let it out in ways that honor who you are… keep inching, my friend! 🙂

  3. Heidi Viars says:

    thank you for your honest wrestling … it moved me deeply, friend!

    • melodylowes says:

      Thank you, Heidi. It was personal enough that I hesitated before publishing it. I admire transparency and openness in others, yet find it hard when the shoe is on MY foot. I find that writing is such an important part of my processing, whatever the processing is…

  4. Your struggle was dynamic and wise not to mention determined. It reminds me (from one of your comments) of how I made the determination to dig deeply within, as necessary. I hope you don’t mind if I show that decision to you. “I feel that writing is a reflection of the soul, and must therefore, probe the senses deeply, even painfully, in order to achieve definition.” I feel in some way that we owe it to those for whom we write..the honesty, and the clarity are in, my opinion, the gifts that we pay to those who follow our unending need to express what lies within us of which we write.

  5. Cristina says:

    Lovely poem 🙂

  6. ladyfi says:

    Wonderfully deep words. And I like the photo too.

  7. Gallivanta says:

    Hide and seek was a game I hated as a youngster. I was always found so easily but I couldn’t ever find anyone. If I were you I would change the game not the rules! But then you would have to write another poem. 😦 Hide and seek is a perfect expression for grief and a wounded heart.

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